Time...so little time

I wish I had more time to do the things I love to do. I wish I did not have to stress to make sure I work every single day so I can focus more on the good things I have in my life. I hate having to make an appointment JUST so I can do something that makes me happy. And then, have someone say something to stop that from happening.

I hate having to re-learn things too. I have a filter, I swear I do. But sense being on this meds, its gone. Or switched off. And I don't know where the on switch is. I see myself doing things that I dont like me doing, but no control to stop it. Its like the meds have taken away my control over myself and my actions. And I hate that. I regret things I am doing WHEN I am doing them and I try to stop, but I cannot. Very frustrating.

Another side affect, I have NO desire to eat any food at any point in time. When I do force myself to eat, I eat about 1/2 of what is served. And I normally eat 1/2 of what a normal person eats. So you take a meal you would eat, and eat only 1/4th of that and that is what i'm down to. And 2 meals a day. I really try for 3 but its too much food. I have breakfast and dinner.

So, we are at 2 weeks on the meds. Energy is okay. I would not say its way up. It is higher than what it was but not anywhere near normal. The only 2 side affects that are bothering me are the ones listed above. In the big picture, they are really not that bad. But living this, its horrible. But I am also one that put really high expectations upon myself. Sometimes they are totally unachievable because I set the bar so high.  And I have never learned how to lower it so I can be happy with who I am.

Thank you to those reading this and following me on the journey and being so supportive. Most of you I could not do this without.

xoxo, T