Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Lists, Lists, Lists....

I'll admit, I'm a list person. I make lists. They may not be writting down all the time, but they are there. I make them in my head, on my computer, on the mirror in my bedroom, on paper, sticky pads...whatever is in reach. And I make lists about different things. You have your to-do list, your grocery list, bills to pay, plan of attacks for this project or that project. Friends birthdays, phone calls, and choices in men.

Yep, as I said during the first part of the year I'll be touching more on my dating life. Or what there is of it. Because that is a part of me. As is being a mom, student, employee. Many, many hats I wear. And sometimes, the more hats I have, the better I can manage things. So anyways, tonights blog (because its 2am and there for its still night) is about lists...and how it helps/makes/breaks my life.

Every day when I wake up I take my kids to their school. Mentally, I go thru my list of things that need to get done that day. Clean the house, which is a list all on its own, if its raining, pick up the kids from school, call different businesses to make appointments for wine sales, check the newspapers and craigslist for job openings, plan dinner (another list all on its own), check email, call friends, return other calls, play on facebook/myspace, do school work. And every day, I wonder, what can I not do today and put off until tomorrow? Because I do a lot. I am a single mom. So it puts everything on me. My kids have a VERY active life. So lists are made every day, the start of the day and thru out the day.

When I think about making a list of who my friends are vs who my "people I know" are, there is a differance in numbers by much. See I even have a list of who would qualify for the lable of a "friend" in my opinion. Which leads into my list about dating. I do have a list about who I will date. I have a list of how I will date. Which is more of a what I will and will not do.

But when you make up your lists, you have to be willing to compromise on some of the things. The problem I had with my last relationship, I look back now see how much i did compromise and I feel I did too much. I thought that when I was in the relationship, but I still did. When I look at my friends, the close ones and the ones that are just friends, there are things that they do/say that I would not do, but I go along with it because they are my friends. Now those that are closest to me will hear me say if they do something dumb or that I dont think is the best idea. I will tell them. But I do compromise with them as well.

My question is where do you know that you have gone too far on you compromiseing? Where in your list is the "must not cross this line" or you drop dead "must haves"? Everyone has those. You have them in your friendships, your dating/married life, when you are house hunting, job hunting... no matter what the subject is you have your lists.

Why did I just post/write a blog on lists? Not so sure...but there is something here I'll come back to later, that I am sure of. I'll see it then because its not here now.

xoxo, T

Friday, January 22, 2010

Advice friends give on dating...

Sometimes should just be ignored. But knowing me, I cannot ignore it. I listen and usually take the said advice. With that I went on a date tonight. BAD IDEA! First of all, one main reason I hate dating someone that I have met off a dating site is that people lie. Why? I dont know. Maybe their insecure about themselves, or maybe they think that you wont remember. Well guess what? It does nothing for the person that when you meet, that person finds out you lied.

So back to tonights date... I go meet said guy, he said he was 6 feet tall. I'm 5'5" tall, so should be a decent height taller than me. WRONG, lie number one! He was more like 5'6" if that. Then the picture he has of himself was not that clear, but in person he sure looked a lot different. EEEEWWWW!!!! I barly wanted to shake his hand. The next issue, I could hardly understand anything he would say. I dont know if he was slightly drunk before we met up or if he has a speach issue, but good lord!

I tried to do what a friend advised me to do. Date for fun. No expectations. So that was what tonight was about. I stuck out the whole date, no matter my first reaction. The plan was to grab a drink then watch a movie. Fine with me. He was paying for it. We meet in front of the movie theater in my town. Then walk down the block to a bar. One I had never been in before. May go back there because it was nice and clean. Anyways, we get in and he asked the bartender if they take plastic (note to men out there, if your on a date, carry cash too, because a lot of places dont take plastic and you look like an ASS otherwise). The bartender said no and pointed out the ATM, then came and got my drink order. Come to find out the dude maxed out his limit and had to call his bank to get more money allowed for the day. Finally came and sat down with me and ordered his drink. Then had to tell me all about his ex's. RULE: you DONT talk about your damn ex's on a date!!! Specially on a FIRST date.

At this point I was wishing to have a hole open up or some type of excape to get out of this date. But no, being the girl I am, and wanting to see about following thru on advice, I stick it out and slowly drink my drink, and count down the minutes till we can go watch the movie and there will be no need for conversation.

We went to see Leap Year. < Side note, it was a really good movie, what I heard at least!> We walk in and pick out seats. Sadly I run into 2 mom's I cannot stand, but we all mutually ignored each other. The previews for the out coming movies come on, and there was a few I would love to go see, but he kept making snide remarks about them. So I wisely held my tounge, and those that know me quite well, that was VERY hard to do. The movie comes on and he kept making remarks about this or that. I'm thinking SHUT UP! but I just ignore as much as I can and watch it as much as I can, giving off all body signs that I'm NOT INTERESTED in you!!! Blessedly the movie got over. I use the excuse that my son texted me that he was sick (he's not) and got the hell outta there.

Note to self... NO MORE DATING off the internet. Next note to self.... dating for fun may be fun for some... but I dont think so for me.  One more note to self... Where the hell does one find a good person to date now days!?!?!?!?!?!

xoxo, T

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Gggrrrr... Some days are harder

than others. Its really hard to keep your head up and on  straight when you know so much is going on and there is nothing you can do about it. I have bills to pay, but no money to pay them. I am working, but not enough hours to pay just what HAS to be paid. I am applying everywhere but it seams like no call backs, which has me wondering ... Really is anyone hiring at all?!?!?! Frustating for me.

Then there is PT. I was in the car wreck at the end of Oct. I'm still in PT for that. I am soooo sick of going to it now. I think after this round I'll be done. I finally got her to agree to let me try running (slowly at first) and then build up. If I don't hurt in a bad way after this round of PT I'll be calling it quits. One of my amazing friends got me some time at the local Gym, so I can try my running sense the weather is so bad. Hopefully all is good by Feb 2.

I got a job bartending at a local club. They sounded so unsure about hiring people. I guess they did not like me and the other girl or something because the next event coming up, they call us both and say they have their own bartenders back. Nice. So that did not last very long! The upside is that this weekend, which was to be the next event for me to do, I may have to go to a hockey game with my friend's son and him.  They earned the game from selling popcorn. Have I mentioned that I LOVE hockey!?!?!

I should touch on dating.... I have had a few conversations with some guys... and exchanged emails... but nothing so far. No for sure plans to meet any of them. Bummer. Another friend told me to go and date for fun. Hmmm interesting concept. One I have never done before. So even though the guys I have talked to do not have everything on my "wish list" I would go out with them... IF I was ever asked. Which by the way, I haven't been. Which puts my brain back on the fact that eather I am too boring of a person, guys dont want to date single moms, or they are intimidated by me. Who knows? I sure dont!

Anyways, that is it for now. Movie is on...and I would like to watch it.

xoxo, T

Monday, January 4, 2010

Dating...where to look?

For the last year this blog has been a outlet of sorts for me. A glimps into my life, the ups and downs. The crazy way the road leads. For the next bit of blogs I am going in a different direction and we'll see how this works out. Its my honest thougths on subject matter(s) that spark my interest or that are dear to my heart. You will still be getting a glimps into "A day in my life" but there are things out there I would like to get my voice out on. For my friends that are reading this on facebook, please follow the link to my blog page and leave your comments there. I'd really apprecate it if you did!

Now that all that is out of the way...first subject matter. Sense I have so many subjects it was hard to just pick one. The first one I have choose to dive into is dating...where to find a date.

Now there is many ways to find a date, just depends on what you are looking for. There is dating websites out there, book stores, grocery stores, bars, friends of friends, having a account with places like MySpace and Facebook. There is many more ways but I just choose to name a few.

I am no dating expert by any means, but sense I am out there, dating (or so I keep saying) I figured I'd look futher into what it is that I am doing here. Now I will be very honest in saying I do have a profile up on a few online dating sites, and I will say I have met a few people off there. I will also say that on both my MySpace and Facebook sites it shows I'm single. I have no problem putting myself out there. However I am very pick and very selective as to who I will respond to or not. And I will go into "hiding" if it becomes too much for me.

What I have found by having these up, is that the guys out there looking for a real relationship are few and far between. I have talked with about 30 or 40 different guys between all the above mentioned sites. And out of that, I have dated one for a few months, and met face to face about 6 or 7. What I have learned so far is that guys are slow to respond on a lot of things. Hey, if I have taken the time out of my day to send you a email, then please at least do the same. Even if its, "your not what I'm looking for". I'm cool with that. Just let a person know.

I have gone to bars...and well its not much different there than on a dating website. Met a guy there one time. That was interesting to say the least. But its in the past. And that is where it shall stay. The upside of going there is I get to dance, have a few (hopefully) free drinks and have a good time while meeting people I would not normally me otherwise.

I have heard about people meeting at book stores and grocery stores and places like Starbucks. Now I can really say that I have never gone to any of these places with the though, "Hey, lets get me a guy there". I go to a book store for the books (we all know I adore reading), and to the grocery store for food and Starbucks.... well for visiting with friends and hot chocolate and to read. NEVER once have I ever ran into a guy at any of those places that has say a word to me. I actually went not that long ago to these places as a test. Went to see if that is where people are meeting up at. Nope. At least in my area of the US, its not happening. At the book store I went to, I saw moms and kids, teens, husbands looking a bit lost trailing after his wife. At the grocery store I saw about the same thing as the book store. Starbucks I have yet to test the theory there. Maybe its because I dont live in one of the big, hussle and bussle city's. Who knows.

As I sit here writting this I'm trying to think if I have ever gone on a date because of a friend. As in your friend knows your single and comes up and says "Oh I know someone that would be good for you. XXxx...." and you can fill in the rest. I really do not remember doing that. So must have not happened.

I did some research online (because I love reserch and love to learn some new things) when writting this blog about the ways people meet now days. A few things that came up were:

1. Join a singles group in your area (lol, I think not. the only thing of that type I was in, everyone was older than me by many years).

2. Join a club in the area with a subject that interests you. Like books or gardening.

3. Go shopping in the opposite's sex department and ask a non-employee for help.

4. Attend a dating event like "8 seconds Dating" (I personally have never heard of this)

5. Join a Professional Organization.

I honestly can say doing any of those 5 are really not for me. I dont know why but totally outside of my comfort zone by far.

In my research I did come up with some tips for every day life.

1. Set a goal of saying Hi to 5 people a day (I do this already)
2. Smile. Make it look like your having fun. (most days I already have a smile on my face)
3. Always be dressed and groomed to meet new people. Even if you are just running to get gas or something at the store.
4. Don't be afraid of being rejected. or Rejecting someone. Just because you ran into the hot guy/girl at the mall, and you start talking, does not mean you have to give them your number if your not interested.
5. Ask questions and be polite.

Pretty good tips (and I put my personal spin on them).

Now for you readers out there. Any suggestions? Where do you go looking for a date? How did you meet your hubby, wife or SO? Would any of the tips work for you?

Till next time....

xoxo, T

Goal's for 2010

For my new readers... I don't make New Year's Resolutions, I make New Year's Goals. I figured it out after 5 years of making Resolutions and never following thru on one, that Goals are a better plan. Goal's for me mean making sure I accomplish it. Resolutions to me have no meaning. So without futher adou... here are mine for the year.

1. I will lose the last 20 lbs that I want gone.
2. I will put money into savings this year and NOT touch it (because this year I did save but had to touch to pay bills)
3. I will take a vacation (I am still hoping to get the money for my trip to France this summer, but if that does not happen, I will take a vacation out of the state!)
4. I will post at least once a week on here. One new blog a week!
5. I will make sure to bike/run/walk 3 times a week.
6. I will make time to scrapbook at least once a month (H you will help me with this goal!)
7. I will go on more hikes. Now that I have had the chance to do several this last summer, this year I will make time for more.

I hope to come up with 3 more before the end of the month, but this year I have goals for me. Not family related, me related. I spend so much time doing for others, I'm going to really try to do for my self.

xoxo, T