Friday, May 22, 2009

What are your stressor's?

I'm continplating this for me. What are my stressor's? What triggers the stressed out reactions I have? I use to know, I could name off dozens of them. Now that I have eliminated those, there is still some left. But what are they?

Right now, it is the start of my camp, that I co-run with friends of mine. Its our last year. I always stress out over it. This year seams more so than before, but I think its been that way each year. Its the "in the moment" stress. Its also that each year there is something different to stress over. And I don't know quite how to react to them.

Also, I hate to ask for help. Asking for anytype of help is a stressor for me. That is one that has never left me. To me, asking/needing help is a sign of weakness. I have yet to point a finger when I started to think like that. I have tried to change that thought, but have failed so far.

And why is it that when I'm stressing, I will push people away? Yep I do that. I know I do that. Part of me has no idea why, another part thinks that if I push hard enough I will know who are those that are people that are true to me. If they stay and deal with it, then they are those that need to stay. If they are the ones that walk away... then why do I need them around when things are all roses, if they can be here when its dark and scary?

Hmm... a few others, kids not behaving, lack of income, which leads into knowing there is things I need but cannot get and refuse to ask for. Because, tying into above, its a sign of weakness for me.

What calms you down? What do you do when you are highly stressed out? I really dont have too much. Sometimes, music, writting, talking help. Sometimes reading. Right now, none of its helping. I'm losing sleep over it, i'm not hungry, i dont want to eat, but i'm forcing myself to do so, that way nobody gets mad at me for not eating. I can only force so much to do. I'm so tired of it though. There are times, like right now, I wonder is it worth all of this? Why keep doing it? What is the point? :sigh: I dont have the answers.

xoxo, T

Saturday, May 16, 2009

The spa day....

um.. spa day.... The facial was great cept i think i was allergic to something cuz my face itched all day yesterday. that was relaxing to have it done. now the massage... NOT RELAXING at all. omg... it was like she was touching me with a feather. the rest of the day was good. Boy friend picked me up, then we went to pick up kids. dropped them off at home and he took me to stockton and got me 2 new books and jamba juice.
We then came home and layed out by the pool for a while and read. then upstairs and took a nap. he took care of the kids the whole time. yea me!! lol
after all that he made dinner (bbq steak, corn on the cob and pasta), and we watched a movie.
So it was a good day, just not the part that was to be the best part was not. :sigh: But all in all it was good and that is all that counts. :)

xoxo, T

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

The best laid plans...

Are sometimes the ones not so well layed. Sometimes you think you have it all worked out in your head. You know to achive a goal you put in front of yourself, you must go route "A". But sometimes life gets in the way. So what do you do? Do you wait till life is done and you can continue on with route "A" or do you make up a new route.

See then the problem with the new route is there is a greater risk. And how bad do you want this goal? is the greater risk worth the end result? Can you truely know that the greater risk will happen? Why is it that we do not have the looking glass to see when you are at a fork in the road to see which way is the best way to turn?

Sometimes you just need to go the route less traveled. The one that may have greater risk but usually with greater risk there is a great reward at the end. You just need to be sure that you want it bad enough to jump in.

So yeah, those are the thoughts that are currently running thru my mind. I'm not saying that route "a" or "b" is the better. there could even be other options out there. But you dont know this. I dont know this. Because the looking glass is not there at all. So you walk in faith, not by sight. Have the faith in your ablity to achieve whatever goal you put in front of you and know that end the end, it is worth it.

Just a bit of wisdom....

xoxo, T

Saturday, May 9, 2009

I am now 30...

And I dont feel any different than before. haha. Cept when my bff son says "stop texting your boyfriend you 30 year old woman!" now that just sounded weird to me.

Life is about to get crazy busy. This is my last year helping run a local Cub Scout camp. Our 5th and final year and i could not be happier on that. So for the next month or so I'll try to post when i can (i set up my computer to remind me) but we'll see. If i get sleep this year i'll be happy.

So bf got me a great present. Spa day... never had that before. Going this coming friday so i guess i'll blog about that after its over. I am hoping between now and then to pick up a new book so i can read it after i get home. :)

Other than those things, life is going good. Austin's grades are raised up. Boo is going good with school as well. They are out of school in just a few short weeks. and then summer hits.

xoxo, T