Sunday, September 25, 2011

When life choices are not well met

There are times in life you have to stand up and make a choice. A lot of the time, people do not understand that choice you have made. Those that are closest to you should understand, yet sometimes they are not as close as you think.

I have made a choice that we are going to be moving. Its not an easy decision. It is a long time coming one, however. I have looked at everything from every angle. I LOVE California. But its expensive to live here and it is all I have ever known. There is a lot of good memories and a lot of bad. More and more as the years have gone by...the more bad there has been and less good. I think by moving it would give us the fresh start needed to build lives that are healthy. Without struggling just for the basics and live happy.

There is a lot of good about living in California. I have weight out everything. I made my pro's/con's list. I have looked into the cost of moving, renting there, buying there, jobs that are there... And everything. The Con list of us staying is waaaaayyyyy longer than the pro.

Its not like I'm making the choice to move and that we are moving tomorrow. Its more like 6 or so months from now. I would love for us to be able to stay until June 1 so the kids can finish this school year here. And they can start fresh with a new school year. Austin does not want to go. That is a convo to be had later. Because I dont know where I am standing on it for him.

I'm doing well enough taking it one day at a time... one moment at a time. I just wish more would understand and support this.

oxox, T

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Who would have known....

Who would have known that my world was still being shaken up when I wrote that last update. Who would have known that my next update is all the more painful...

Last Tuesday my boyfriend moved out and broke up with me. We were just past the year mark and he was done. I still find it hard to believe that this last two months are nothing but a very, very bad dream. Add to the fact that I have been thinking for years about moving away from here. I have done nothing but struggle and struggle. And I have prayed and prayed about it. I feel like us moving and getting a new start on life would be good. For all of us. A place where there is jobs to be had and cost of living is not sky high like California is.

My son does not agree. He disagrees sooo much that he has already found a place he can move to. And my heart breaks. Everyone keeps telling me I'm a strong person. I feel sooooooo weak right now. I cannot eat. I am not a strong as those think I am. I'm very good at faking strong though.

We will not be moving until March. I can make it til then. My daughter is not 100% happy about it but is very understanding. She agrees that its for the best for us all. Right now I feel like she is the only one that loves me.

so sucks is my life now. In just a very short went from being wonderful and roses to heartbreak and death.... All of it too much in too short of a time.

xoxo, T

Sunday, September 18, 2011

A long time coming

Not sure just how much I will be writting here tonight. Things have been rough. Out of the norm. And not a lot I'm free to talk about in public. And you really dont get much more public than this.

Anyways, Texas vaca was fantastic. So much fun spending time with my BFF and her kids. I really cannot wait to go back. I'll post pictures and details in another blog. 4th of July was a lot of fun in South Shore Tahoe. Things were going just as I had hoped. Very good.

Then August hit and my world was turned upside down. Aug 10, 2011 at about 9pm I got a phone call that half of me knew would come, but never did I think it would be sooo soon. My brother died. He had chrones, and I did not know. He was really sick and I had never knew. And then the cops showed up at my door and said I was next of Kin. Mindblowing.

And sense then its just been dealing with day by day. its been 1 month, 1 week and 1 day and i dont really believe it is true. So I'm sooo sorry I havent updated. And that this is not my normal updating. Because honestly.... I dont even know how i'm doing what all i am doing. I'm sure i'll post more later... but just running in really quick to say i have not forgotten my blog...just life blew me over and i have still yet to pick up all the pieces.

And while i'm here... those that pray, send up a few for me why i make some tough choices.

xoxo, T