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Monday, December 27, 2010

Aaaahh... Christmas

Christmas is, has been, and will always be one of my top favorite holidays. This past Christmas I will say has been on of the best ever!

The kids got nearly everything they wanted. I got a lot of the thing I have been wanting. Lots of baking stuff...for cupcake making. I'm so excited about that and cannot wait to use them!

Nick got quite a few thing he wanted as well. And we all spent the day together as a family.

The best gift this year? The Wii. I broke down and got it for us sense playstation stopped making ps2 games. We nearly got the ps3, but the Wii was less expensive and there was more games that we all would play.

How did everyone else do with their Christmas? Did you get what you wanted? What was the favorite this year?

Xoxo,

Friday, October 29, 2010

A day of good

Today I spent the day off with my boyfriend just walking around the mall window shopping for Christmas. It was great being able to have such a relaxing day with him.

After that, sense we were in his hometown, he took me to where he grew up. It was so awesome to see thing of his past and to hear the stories and excitement in his voice in telling them. In a way I kind of feel closer to him than before. Good day for sure!

Xoxo, T

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Misguided way of thinking?

I wonder if I have a misguided way of thinking. Or is the way I see how I am is not the same. I see myself happy and relaxed and having fun. Most of the time. I can see myself being totally letting go...but with that comes less responsible me. Is that what I really need. Do I need to let go of some of the tight fist ways of thinking to achieve the greater happiness? And if I do that will it change the core of me? And how does one go about doing that?

I want to be the happy, go-lucky girl I use to be. I started to be that way about a year ago, and then the loss of my job snapped me back quickly. Now that I am well employed again, I should be able to easy slip back into that person right? Sadly its not so. I'm trying but its just beyond my reach. I think I am scared to grab it. But why? Why would one be so scared to reach and hold on to happiness?

Me? Cuz the bottom always falls out. Have faith. Have trust in me. Hard to trust and have faith when everything in my life has show the other. I have to stop letting my past affect my future but I have yet to figure out how that is to happen. Do you just ignore all of the twinges that are screaming at you to stop, and keep going with that that you are doing?

How can I be the person I see that I am on the inside on the outside? Or am I that person just most do not see that person in me? Is my way of thinking misguided or is everyone else? I always am so careful to do what is needed of me for others, and put myself last. Anytime I put myself first, others get hurt and I feel guilty. And why is it that I can never tell anyone what I need? I am so scared of being hurt or hurting others, because that part sucks, that I loose myself in that fear and overcompensate by taking on more and more, and taking it out on those that I love the most. How does one stop the train wreck that I have created for myself? I don't know how. I'm at a total loss at this point. I'm taking all suggestions as they come...because if I can't fix this now, then its hopeless. And it cannot be hopeless. Because I can see the me that I want to be. The me I NEED to be, for myself.

So this is my plea for help. This is the only way I know how to do this because I cannot just walk up and say help me...at least not at the point I am at now. And those  that are close, those that I love, give me time please. I'm trying. I promise. I'm going to get there. I just am not sure how long it will take.

xoxo, T

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Vacation day 3...

I know, I know. I am totally slacking on getting these posts up. Its been over a month. So goal now is to get them all up in the next 24 hrs.

On the 3rd day of vacation, Wednesday, we got up after sleeping in a bit, after all we did not go to sleep till after midnight the night before and drove all day the day before. We ate our breakfast and it was off to our adventures of the day. First stop, Mystery Spot.

I have never been there. We found it after driving a bit. Thought it would be a great idea to go there sense boo and I both have never been, but Mel had once. And besides, Tony told us we should go. Once there and finding parking (which is silly how they have all that set up!), we find out that it would be at least a 2 hour wait for our tour. So we said forget it. But I did manage to get 2 cool flower shots!

in case you cannot tell, this flower hangs upside down.
I think Mel has these same flowers in her yard. but they are pretty still.


Second stop, Mission Santa Cruz.

See I have a thing about Missions. They are old. Most are pretty. There is history there. 'Nuf said. Sadly for me, this Mission is nothing in compared to Carmel's. Oy, I found out that Carmel's is the prettiest one out there and that was the FIRST one I have been to. So I'm set for the rest not to match up now. But here is the Mission anyways.

Mission Santa Cruz
Our next stop was Natural Bridges. I saw only one there...

Natural Bridges

We decided that it was time to stop for lunch. We picked the Surfer Museum to stop at for that. Pretty spot, and you can see places where you use to be able to walk out further on the rocks, but is now no longer safe to do so. I sat there and wonder how it would have looked 50 or 100 years ago... so different, yet so pretty still.

Santa Cruz Surfer Museum
Seals outside of the Surfer Museum
Our next destination was Santa Cruz Museum of Natural History. That place was really cool and I highly recommend for anyone to go there. They had a small tide pool in there with starfish and other sea life. Alexandria had a lot of fun with that.

Tide pool in the Museum
They had real, live beehive in there (of which I stayed FAR away from). Some of the wildlife that is found in the area, stuffed. Then before I knew it I was standing in front of a real snake. In a cage. A. Snake. Oh. My. Goodness! It took all I had in me not to scream. Lord knows, I would have never willing went anywhere near that area if I knew it was there.

Boo did get to pet a big sea turtle and sat on a big whale.


After that we went back to the Boardwalk and explored the wharf. We saw some sea life up close and personal like.


And so that ends day 3 of vacation. Stay tuned to day 4...

xoxo, T

Monday, August 16, 2010

Vacation day 2 part 2... Santa Cruz

So I had to break up day two into two posts because it was a very long day. Once the campsite was set up and we head back to Santa Cruz for food, we end up at the boardwalk for food. Sadly for us there was only one place open. Was not worth the price and I for sure will not be eating there again. But here is the picture of the view outside from where we ate at.

View from Ideal in Santa Cruz
The next part was we went threw and checked out the board walk where the rides are. I had never been there before so we were checking it out. They were having their throw back night to 1907. So prices were marked down. Boo got some Cotton Candy for $1 and then we went miniature golfing for $3 each. This was a first for Boo and it was a great experience for her.

First time golfing!


Want this in my house
Second level of golfing, she did really well.
My hole in one!!!


Mostly pictures in this one, as there is not much to say. We all had fun golfing for about 2 hours. Went to bed after midnight but it was so worth it.


xoxo, T

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Vacation day 2 2010

Our second day of vacation started with us packing up everything and moving on. I forgot to mention that there was a skunk on Monday night that wanted to come join our fire. I was all for him enjoying it and me hiding in the tent. So did not want to mess with him. And trying to sleep on sand one would think is comfortable, but really its not. Sand does not move once your tent is up!

We got up early on Tuesday, because we had a busy and long day ahead of us. Once breakfast was down and everything was packed and ready to go, we were off. First stop was to go visit the boys at Boy Scout Camp. It was a quick 30 minute drive from where we were camping at. Its a nice campground and the boys were having a ton of fun. We went on a hike to see all of the camp site and while hiking, we ran across some sweet peas. My second favorite flower next to red roses. All day Monday and Tuesday everywhere we went i found sweet peas but they were always on the side of the road. So I took a picture of the one's that I found at camp.

Sweet Pea's

We left camp at about noon and started our drive to Santa Cruz. By Google Maps directions it should be a 3 hour and 45 minute drive. It was more like a 8 hour drive. We drove right down Hwy 1. Such a stunning drive on that hwy. Its one of my favorites in California, mostly because its all coast driving. Here is some pictures of the places we stopped.

Some crab's chillin on the side of the bay, where we stopped to have a tailgate lunch.
We stopped on the side of hwy 1 just outside of the town of Marshall. First for us is a tailgate lunch. While eating, I saw a bird I wanted to get a picture of and then I happen to look down and saw the crabs chillin here. So it was a must to get a picture of them.

Along the coast of California. North of Stinson Beach.

About an hour later we were able to get our first view of the Golden Gate Bridge.



We all were very excited to see that because we wanted to stop in SF for some potty break and leg stretching time. But that was not in the cards for us.

Amazing crystal clear views of the bridge and all of SF.
Because we could not find the place we were looking for and it was well past 5pm at this time, we decided to push on and keep driving south. No more stops along the side of the road (except for a potty break in Pacifica, at a NASTY gas station). We knew we were almost there when we saw Pigeon Point Light House.

Pigeon Point Light House
For the first time in 3 summers I did not stop there. Amazing I know. About 1 hour later we were in Santa Cruz and at our campsite.


With that being said, part two of day two will be posted in a new post.

xoxo, T

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Vacation day 1 2010

This is day one of our 5 day vacation, there will be 5 posts to it. With pictures, of course!

Monday morning we all get up and get ready to head out of town. Fish are taken care of by my boss and the house is ready for us when we come back. We all pile into the pick up truck and head west. West to the ocean and beach. Camping. 3 girls about to have a amazing time but who is to know what will happen.

We head out hwy 12 to Napa. Its sorta on our way there and I have always wanted to go to Napa. I had never been there before and working in a winery, I thought it would be a good idea to check out this famed wine area. A few hours later, we get there. Boy was I disappointed. First off nearly every place charges. Second, nearly every place was closed. Third, sorry but the Lodi area is sooo much prettier than where we were. So we ended up not stopping there.

We all started to get pretty hungry and Boo needed the use of a bathroom. I'm the map person so I was trying to find a town with SOMETHING to eat other than fast food. We all are firm believers of stopping at a mom-n-pop dinner or restraunt when on vacation and out of town. Several hours later and on some really curvy roads (not NEARLY as bad as our vacation 2 years ago), we get to the town of Sebastopol. Found a gas station there to clean the dead bug bodies off the window (we drove thru a ton of bugs at once and they covered the window) and for Boo to use the potty. I asked them where would there be a place to eat at here and they gave me directions to a little mexican place to eat at.

We drove to it and managed to find it quite easy enough. It was a pretty small place and the gal spoke next to no english at all.We ordered our food, and waited. Finally got it (after like 30 minutes) and it was waaaaayyyyy over cooked. We managed to get it down (with a lot of soda/water) and got out of there.

I freaking loved this car.

Next stop was our campsite at Bodega Bay Dunes. We pull in to check in and the gal gave us a map and told us to find 3 open spots and she will see out of them which ones we could have. Alrighty then. Well Mel turns right away and i'm looking at the map the gal gives us (it was a 4x4 square paper). we end up in the wrong spot totally but mangaed to figure out how to get to the ocean! Back tracking and saw a bunny, and found our way to the campsites. We found one that was right acrossed from the bathroom (and showers) and it was a big site. I wanted that one cuz it was the only one close to running water! We get back up and yep its ours.

our campsite

Once we got everything set up and ready for the night we drove over to the beach area. Ahhhh my MUCH needed time with the Ocean.

sweeping view of Bodega Beach
Now it was not very windy or cold there, which was TOTALLY shocking to me. Every time I have ever gone there its always windy and very cold. We hiked down the beach and saw lots of Ocean life.

My bird friend, I think I named him Frank
The small dead jelly fish
the very large dead jelly fish. I thought this one was ugly.

After a bit of the walking we found some drift wood and I made Boo pose on it. She is getting so big and pretty!

Peace chicka!
So after a bit we went back to the campsite to get a fire going and dinner cooking. We had some to-die-for corn on the cob with hot dogs roasted over the open flame. oh and yummy watermelon and chilli. Boo made friends with a boy from another campsite and they played until it was bed time.

Boo dancing in her sleeping bag because she was sooo excited!

Monday is done and over with.... xoxo, T

Friday, July 9, 2010

Vacation...

its right around the corner!!! We leave this coming Monday for a week of camping on the coast. I cannot wait to hit the beaches. Hikes, exploring places we have yet to be. Taking amazing picture! YEAH BABY!!! A week of fun, relaxation, and finding my inner strenght again.

So many times I have posted each time I need to find my inner strenght its me going to the beach, the ocean. Going to rivers and lakes does not do it for me. I need to hear the strenght of the ocean, see it. Hear the waves crash hard on the short, the sea gulls flying over head. Even when the waves are soft and quiet...and just feeling the sun, seeing ENDLESS water. So amazing!

Blog post will be coming in a whole bunch as the days go by. Many pictures. Tonight kicks off some of what I am calling my summer vacation, time with my bff and going to see Sugarland in concert!!! Dream come true!

xoxo, T

Friday, July 2, 2010

Summertime...

Ahhh Summertime. My fave time of year. Its hot, sunny, beautiful outside so its hard to stay indoors during the day or night for that matter. I'm forever living for the summertime because it makes me want to be out there and living life.

So lately I have been spending a lot of time out working, going out and having fun. What more can you ask for of a summer? I know. Friends and VACATION. Yep, its July so its time for some vacation time. This time we are camping again. My best friend, daughter and me. spending 5 days on the coast of California. Cannot wait, because I know that beach and ocean is missing me! And then after that my friend Jessica comes to Cali for a visit... gonna have some major fun going on there!!!

But between now and then, there is the 4th of July weekend. This year I have a lot I can do, but having a hard time picking the things to do to. I know that I'm working this weekend and the winery, making cupcakes for the party that I'm going to on Sunday and school work. Beyond that, I have been invited to a ton of stuff.... I just need to start picking. Who knows where I'll end up at!

Hope everyone has a happy and safe 4th of July weekend!!

xoxo, T

Thursday, June 10, 2010

As the saying goes...

The old saying goes "Life is short, make the most of it". I ask myself how does one do that? My idea vs. your idea of making the most of it can be drastically different. There are so many ways one can make the most of their life. Some people may think that making the most of their life might be just by being a parent. Or by taking trips around the world. Helping out others in need.

Tonight I had been thinking about how I would make the most out of my life. I have an okay life so far. I would not call it great by any means, but its okay. There are a lot of things I sure wish were different. There is so much left that I want to do and accomplish in this life of mine. I can see what they are and I can see me doing them. I just don't see the grayness between where I am now and then. HOW do I get to where I want to be?

Hard work? Well yes, I know that. And I do nothing but work hard. The funny thing is I feel like I have NOTHING to show for it. The harder I work the less I have to show. But hard work is said to get you to the places you want to go and need to go. Well so far I'm going no where fast. Hmmm... makes me wonder if I have the right perspective on this.

Dreams? Oh I have a lot of those. I dream about traveling the world. Traveling the USA. Singing. Writing. Taking pictures of beautiful things. Owning a home. Being married again (this time happily). Finishing my education. Opening my own business. Being truly happy.

Its so hard doing things now days. What makes it even harder is being plagued with self-doubt. I totally act like I have sooo much confidence in myself. When I really don't. My feeling on that is that the more I act like I have confidence the more it will come. Right idea or wrong? So far its not working. But time will tell I guess. Days and nights spent alone are never good for me. And seeing others doing things that I would love to be doing is even worse. But there is nothing I am doing now that is holding me back (so I think, please correct me if I am wrong) from getting what I want. Its just that it seams like life likes to throw up all over me. And let me tell you, I'm tired of it.

xoxo,T

Monday, June 7, 2010

Back to my roots...

Ever have a moment or two where you reflect on your life as it is now, and look back where you have came from? Then you wonder how some of the really great stuff from where you came from is not where your at now? Yeah its one of those nights.

I'm up blogging instead of sleeping. Too many thoughts in my head. A lot of it has just got to come out! The last few days I was able to do some stuff I truly love doing. And its made me take a HARD look at my life and the direction its going. I have been doing a good job in where I have made changes, and need to make more. Some of the changes have been drastic but some not enough. I need to be more true to me and less people pleasing.

One of those changes is going back to some of my good roots. I have always said I love country music, and left it at that. But the truth is I'm a country gal. As a good friend said today "Your such a cowgirl". Damn right, and damn proud of that. Spent all day Saturday baking in the lovely California sunshine at a Country Music concert. Going to that made me realise how much I do miss being truly me. The cowgirl boots wearing, hat and dancing the day/night away girl. I miss the bonfires, drinking, dancing, and having a great time. I miss being out there, the out doors. Where you can look up and see the stars out. So time to go back to that. Time to quit hiding from it all, and feel like I cant be that girl when deep down, that is who I truly am.

You know the post I did not too long ago about List and dating? Yeah my list of a guy to date... Country Cowboy. A real one, not these fake guys pretending to be country boys. Know the music and rock it. Have the look (yes tight wranglers do NOT make you look gay, they are HOT! as are cowboy boots and hat!). Work with your hands, and don't apologize for it. Drink your beer, wine or other. Be real.

Just a bit from my past that is coming back to my future. Much needed cuz one needs to be themselves, be the real you, and no someones version of you.

xoxo, T

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Writing Cont.....

One would think after I just spent the last 5 hours writing straight that I would have nothing more to say. HAHA! That is funny. But really, I'm blogging about writing! Irony there. This paper that I'm working so hard on for my Psy class for school, is on me. Which I did talk about in my previous blog. And I did mention my last blog that the delete key would be my friend. It was very friendly. I think I may have overused the poor dear.

The paper is on me. My life. My past. My present. My future as I see how it should go. Should be a cake walk paper. And most people out there would say it is. Not me. Its one of the hardest papers to write. See I have had a very, ummm, shall we call it, challenging life? Even that word cannot convay how hard, complicated, difficult, ect my past has been. There are things I must edit out of the paper because its just too personal to tell to a stranger. Those things are too personal to even tell my best friends.

I laugh off my childhood. I make a joke out of how things were back then. Its easier for me to talk about it like its no big deal. But I tell you it was and is a big deal. There are things (multipul) that happen back then that to this very day, this very post, affect me. Your past shapes who you become. There are things I know that needed to happen in order to be the person I am today. But there are things that happened that I sure in hell wish did not. I could have gone my whole life and not have had about 70% that has happened before been gone. I think if it did not happen I would be happier. I would be healthier for sure.

Even though I am not saying what happened, I'm sure you, the reader, can get how seriouse this is, and why I cannot write about it for a Term paper in college. I have had a whole lot of people tell me I should write a book on my life. I keep saying maybe I will. It would make for a good read I think. But I would have to make it sound fiction, because having my life story out there for the world to read and be able to tie it right back to me, would be too much to bear. But its worth considering.....right? Thoughts?

xoxo, T

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Writing...

Yes, I write. I write a lot. I like words. I like to talk. And for those that don't know me that well, don't know that I'm back in college again. I am back to trying to finish my BA degree in Business Management, Marketing and PR. I already have my AA in Business Management. So the class I am taking right now is a Psy. class. They have us writing a paper about ourselves. Its our final. So the paper is very importaint. I NEED a good grade on it. I just wish it was on another subject.

I know that a lot of people say writing about one's self is easy to do. I find it difficult. I write about me on my blog, my life, my friends. But its not the whole me. Its not my heart. Its a part but not even my very best friends know that much. No matter how much I talk and write, the heart of me is kept to me. So asking me to open up a part of myself is HARD to do. AND then ask me to anilyze myself on top of that....wow. Not good. It just asks for trouble to brew up.

So how am I to go about writing my history, present and hopeful future without opening up that part of me to total strangers? I guess that will take creative writing on my part.  A whole lot of editing. Delete key is my friend in this I think. We'll see how it goes. And who knows, it may end up being a blog post up on here. We'll see what the future holds on that account.

xoxo, T

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

What if...

My mind can be a very evil thing some days. On days like today where it has the run's of "What if's" run thru it. Or on days where you have a long talk with an old friend and this friend asks you for advice. Which is why I have the "what if's" going on.

See this friend of mine has been dating here and there...not really steady with anyone. She has her "list" of who she knows is Mr. Right. She has dated her fair share of Mr. Wrong's and I agree that she has a great idea of who her Mr. Right is. But now a monkey has been thrown into the works. One of the few guys she has been dating, we will call him Mr. J, could totally fall under as another Mr. Wrong. He really does not fit onto any of her Mr. Right's must have. But she is enjoying her time with him. And the more she gets to know him, the more she is liking him. The things that would make Mr. J, a Mr. Wrong are not bad things, and not a deal breaker by any means. But he does not fill the Mr. Right terms. So her question to me was.... "Do I give up my list of Mr. Rights must have and go for it with this guy? Or is he just Mr. Right now?"

Wow, what a hard question to answer. Looking back on my many years of dating many different men, I can see why she asked me. Specially sense she knows that I went thur this same thing. The only thing that she did not know was that I went with my "list" and not with my heart. And was forever plagued with the "what if's" of what could have happened. So my advice to her? Date him a while longer... see what happens. If she is really and truely happy then fine, go ahead and go solo with just him. But make sure its right. List are there for a starting point, and sometimes they need to be thrown out.

Me, on the other hand, live on my list. Its so easy to tell others what they should do, but not follow it yourself. But then again, I have to be dating someone. Of which I am not. I'd like to think if I was ever in the situation again, that I would know to throw out the list, rather than give up the guy. But we'll see how much I have grown, if that was to ever happen again.

xoxo, T

Friday, May 14, 2010

The "Power" outfit....

What is the Power outfit? You know the outfit that no matter what you are doing, you feel in control. The one where you know all eye's are on you and you are confident. The one that you feel down right sexy in and comfortable all at the same time. No worries about... "Oh, is my boob falling out?"...."I think you can see that little roll of fat there"... The outfit that hides your flaws, makes you look like a star out there.

I have thought about this subject all day. What is my power outfit? I thought I knew what it was, and then it was not. Is it possable to have more than one? Or have I not found the true Power outfit yet? My choices, as I see them are the following:

1. the dress: there is this dress I bought a while back... its a black and white, form fitting, and I feel amazing in it. Sexy and smart all at the same time. Sometimes uncomfortable, mostly because I'm not use to wearing dresses anymore.

2. The "I'm asking for it Shirt"... or at least that is what i'm calling it. Its a fun, flirty shirt. Cut a bit low in the front, halter style shirt. goes great with jeans or dress pants. or even shorts. I dont have a picture of me in it yet, that is coming soon. But its does what I call for it to do. haahaa

3. New shirt I bought... nice little black tank, gathered at the chest area...so it gives a low-cut look, but looks great at the same time. So comfortable with a nice pair of jeans. my cute little boots to go with and its a outfit that leaves men staring (so I saw today because I wore it today).

I'm sure there is other outfits of mine that I could name off but these are the top 3 that I cannot figure out which one is my Power Outfit. I only have the picture of the dress (and that was taken a few months back). The others there is no pictures of at the moment.

So basied on the discriptions....what would you call the power outfit here? And what is yours?

xoxo, T

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Birthdays and Spa days...

Wowie... its that time of year again. My birthday. But I'll get to that in a few minutes. First I wanted to talk about my spa day today. I went to this place called Planet Beach. Never been there before and have always wanted to check it out. At my sons Spaghetti Dinner, I was given the 2 week pass to there. Today was my first appointment. I LIKED it. So I'm determined to try everything while I'm there. Today we did the chair massage, and i had them set it for deep tissue with a facial at the same time. Oh my, it worked. I started to feel better about 1/2 thur it. Not a huge fan of the facial because the light is uber bright, but I dealt with that. The chair worked from your feet to the head...ohhh it felt good. I knew I was very tense. 20 minutes on the chair and with the faical. Oh and did I menton that I got to listen to music of my choice the whole time? Yep I did. Talk about relaxing you beyond the point of walking.

From there we went to the aqua bed. Its a bed/table thing you lay on, and it has heated water on your backside. You dont get wet at all cuz there is stuff between you and the water. I got 20 minutes on that. I was able to set the settings on what I wanted and put on a deep sea diving video with music and zoned out. Once the 20 minutes was up, I did not want to get up. Wowie...it felt so good, I could have SLEPT there. But up I got and went on to the last bit.

Tanning. In a taning bed. Something I had NEVER done before. And really was not ready to do today. But I did it. And I did it nekked...shocking I know. See that is something I would have never done. Was raised that showing skin like that is BAD, really bad. So tanning nekked was a thing I would have never done before. Not any more!!! I like the idea of NO tan lines and I was not in the least bit uncomfortable AND I was not killed for it. heehee. Oh and I had to buy lotion for taning...and it smells good!!! So two whole weeks of this and I'll be feeling great. I'll be very sad to see it go, as it is totally something I would do all the time, if I had that kind of money. But I dont, so I'll enjoy this two weeks for all its worth.

Back to my birthday. Tomorrow (or in 15 minutes as I type this) is the day. I'll be 31. What am I doing for the day seams to be the question. Here is the answer. NOTHING. I have an appointment at Planet Beach for more spa stuff and then I'm home for the rest of the day. I expect nothing from anyone. I tried the birthday thing last year, and it failed horrably. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to spend my birthday in Napa taking pictures, or do a murder mystery party for my birthday. Those are the 2 things I'd love to do. But I'll be doing nothing the whole day.

Now time for me to get some sleep. My son has to be up at 6 am to leave at 630 to do flags at a special breakfast. Which means I have to be up at 6am to make sure he is too.

xoxo, T

Thursday, April 15, 2010

My tattoos...

I watch LA Ink a lot. When the people that come on to get a tattoo, they tell the story as to why they got that tattoo. Which made me think back to my 3 tattoo's. They really did not have too much of a story as to why, but I know I did not share with the two people that gave me my tattoo's too much as to the reason behind them. I thought it would be interesting to share them here...sense I am thinking about my 4th and 5th one.

Tattoo number one. Its smoke, moon and stars. I have a thing about the moon and stars. At the time I was working night shift. So part of it was because of that fact. But it was mostly because I love looking at the moon and the stars. It reminds me how big the world is and how little my part is in it. It also is just breathtaking most nights. I also got the tattoo because everyone in my family was telling me I could not get one...which is a big mistake by all means. I also made a small discovery that night when I had it done...it gets rid of stress and anger. Here is the first one (my daughter took the pictures):


My second tattoo is a symblo that I was told means strenght. Its in the "tramp stamp" area, but I really dont care. I put it on my back to remind me to be strong. At that time in my life I was going thru a lot of things with my family and I needed that reminder that I'm stronger than them and their issues. Not much of a story to go with it. Here it is:


My last tattoo is my most recent one and my first color one at that. I have always wanted a rose tattoo on my foot/ankle area. It took my boyfriend at the time to piss me off to get it done. I love red roses. I have my whole life. So why not have one on me that I can look at all the time? Made sense to me. Last tattoo:


so that is all of them. My next two that I want is a heart with something (havent figured that out yet) on the inside of my left upper arm. And the other is tink, but not sure where she will be going yet. Tattoo's are very addicting, which sucks because I really did not want to many, but too late now. Anyone of my readers have a tattoo? And a story to share? Leave a comment below...

xoxo, T

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Getting older... oh the joys!

Or so I have been told. There are "joys" to getting older. I'm thinking not! hmmm... Let see, in less than 2 weeks I'll be a year older. My lovely daugher tells me this morning while we are talking, "Mom, your gonna be old soon". I tell her to be quiet. But that statement got me thinking. I was told recently that the 50's are the new 40's... the 40's are the new 30's and the 30's are  the new 20's...  I'm going to be 31 at the end of the month. So the new 20's right? I should be okay with that. I know this. I think I am.

With the statement coming from my now 10 year old, it sounded weird. It sounded like I am turning 100 years old intead of 31. But like I said, after she said that it got me thinking...how much I have changed in the last 10 years.

10 years ago, I was divorce/engaged to be married. I just had my last child (aforemention daughter). I thought I had so much time to do so many things. Little did I know, just over a year later I would be divorced. I would land a job I would love and work with a great group of guys who turned out to be very good friends. I would fall in love again, only to have my heart shattered by his sudden and unexpected death. To have my family fall out of my life (my choice). To be truely on my own, with only me to count on.

Who would have know that going thru all of that and more has made me a whole lot reserved. I keep more to myself (even though others may not think that). I can count on one hand who are my dearest friends, ones I would trust with my life or the life of my kids. They are more my family to me than my blood family ever was or ever will be. I have grown up. I'd like to think I'm smarter and wiser. Time will tell on that.

Just rambling of my thoughts I got after my daughter said that. The only birthday that was truly sad for me was my 26th. I knew my time was up on a few things. And its okay. Now I'll be 31 and I'm okay with that and with how my life is going. Things will keep getting better and better. I will not be doing a thing for my birthday this year. I tried that last year...and nobody showed up. So I am over and done with the party thing anyways.

xoxo, T

Monday, April 5, 2010

So frustrated....

This past week or so has been a week of frustrations. It started with waking up one morning with my tire flattend. And of course, it would be a day that i had to take the kids to school and they ended up being late. Thankfully my friend was able to take them. It also happend to be pooring down rain that day, and I have no idea how to change a tire. The good news was the rain let up and someone aided me in changing the tire. Someone else that works at a local tire shop fixed it for free too.

The next frustration was that it was Easter weekend. I really am not overly fond of Easter. Lots of bad things have happened on that day. Sense I have made the choice to take more control over my life, I have made sure we do "fun" things on Easter. Mostly has been going away for the day. Usually to the beach. So that was the plans for this year... weatherman made me change plans. But the upside is that I did get to spend the day with a new friend that I'm very sure will turn out to be a very good friend!

Today was the icing on the cake for my frustrations. I posted just over a year ago about my laptop being stolen, by my brother. Well in that laptop there was YEARS of work that I had did for the Boy Scout Troop that we need to have back. And the only way to get it back is to re-type it. Which is a very long and frustrating process. Some of the stuff I thought I still had but come to find out (after hours of editing and such) that it was ONLY the rough draft that I had been editing. So my hours worth of work today is waisted. Then other forms, I thought a friend had the back up of.... she does not. So now I do have to type these forms out. VERY frustrating! I'm walking away from it tonight, but it will still be there come tomorrow. And I need to have it all done no later than THIS Friday at Noon.

Anyone want to come do this for me? lol... yeah that is not gonna happen. Oh well, till next time....

xoxo, T

Monday, March 29, 2010

Ever try to find something...

and have the hardest time finding it. Its been that way for me for a few months now. See I live in the middle of Wine Country in CA. And one of the more popular winerys is Michael David's. I will always know it at Phillips Farms but hey, gotta try to go by what they call it, right?

So anyways, a while back they annouced they were changing the label on their 7th Heavenly Chard. Label of which I love! So sense then I have been on a hunt for the old label bottle. How hard that has been to find. A friend of mine grows grapes for them, so the first place I look? I ask them to pick one up. Hmmm, the WINERY has none left. Drat!

They say check some of the local stores. I check, and check and check. For MONTHS. Today I gave it one last shot. The last store I go into.... there it was!!! How happy am I that I found it. I did not buy it to drink, I bought it because of the lable... something I never do. But its pretty. SEE :)


Sometimes its the little things in life that make you happy and can make a day... for me, buying this wine bottle was it for me. Next up, building a wine rack...

xoxo, T

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Slow week...

a slow week is never good for me. Because it leads to projects and me thinking. I've been doing a lot of thinking about my friends. And how a lot of them are there when its good for them, not when needed/wanted. How some friends can be there thru everything and others come and go as they please. I'm the first type, or at least I'd like to think I am. Sadly, a lot I know are the latter type. And even more sadly, my daughter is finding out this at the age of near 10yo.

This past weekend she was to have a birthday party. Invited friends weeks ahead. Nobody showed up. That hurt here a lot. Not a call or anything. Grant it, the party was nearly 2 weeks before her actual birthday. But that is what would work best for our schedule. So she was very sad with that. But at the same time she was happy because one of my dear friends, came over with her family and made the evening better. Then the next 2 days other friends of mine helped make it better.

There are times in everyones life that show you who is a really good friend and who are just friends. I have had my fair share of those times. And now its starting for her. Hopefully, starting this young, will help toughing up the skin on her...because mine is not tough enough for it not to hurt me.

xoxo, T

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

The Break-Up

I had a call tonight from a good friend. She had been going out with the same guy for 2 years. Which seams like a lifetime now days when most relationships last maybe 2 weeks. So she calls me to tell me this happen. Being the good friend that I am (or try to be) I listen to all that she had to say. I do agree with her when she said she had no idea this was coming. They had a good relationship. They had open communication, they were friends. On paper, everything was just as it should be. I honestly thought the call I'd be getting next from her would have been "we are engaged!!!" But alas, that is not to happen. His reason.... he is not ready for a relationship. Really?!?!?! It took 2 years for him to figure this out?!?!? (that was my reaction) We are not getting any younger here people.

After I had got off the phone with her, after listening and giving the comforting words I could, I started to think about my past relationships. Or my "what could have been's". I have done a fair share of breaking up and being broken up with. Its always been so much easier on me to break up with someone, than to be broken up with. But I think that is the same for all the rest of the people out there.

You go thru things, such as break ups and make ups for reasons. There is a lesson to be learned in each. I have been told I havent learned mine yet sense I cannot find the guy of my dreams yet. Haha! Which leads me to the next topic at hand with this subject. Every break up leads to a new make up... as in making up with someone new!

What is my wish list... or more like my must haves because i'm overly picky about a guy i'm dating or thinking about dating. I have my must that have to be met before I will even think about going out. Mostly because I have dated enough guys out there to know what I dont want and I DO NOT have to settle for ANYTHING less.
So my musts are; be taller than me. Not by a whole lot but like 5'7 or taller... that way I can wear my heels and not feel bad. Funny, honest, kind, likes kids (big duh there cuz i'm a solo mom), likes country music, the outdoors as well as the indoors. Has his own life and will let me be in mine, but have time for eachother. I need to feel attracted to that person too. Fit, not overweight. Can manage to keep up with me.

Anyone find this guy, have him contact me. Cuz I have yet to meet him....and i'm not getting out much to do so either! All those that are single out there... take a brutal look at your life. See what you like, look for what you like, dont take ANYTHING less than what you deserve!

xoxo, T

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Little things in life...

It is amazing how some things, which are so little to others, or even to ourselves are such big things sometimes. And sometimes the big things seem so little. I cannot tell you how many times friends will come up to me, telling me about the little things in their lives bug them. And how they seem so big but after talking to me they are so small. And why is it that after they talk with me they dont seem so big. Guess its some affect I have.

There are days that I can amaze myself. I can be so damn brutely honest with other people but when it comes to myself, and any issues I have, I choose to ignore it. Its so much easier that way for me. I do expected my friends to be honest to me though. I give what I expect back. And there are times that I have been and will be dissapointed in that but I will deal with it. One thing I have learned over the years is how to bounce back from anything.

Being the strong person in life is a hard thing to do. Doing what it takes to make it from one day to the next is hard to do. If it was not for the chances I take...life would be hard to do. So I choose to jump at things that strike me as fun, exciting. I choose to take risks and live my life because if I did not, I would have to live a very boring and dull life. And that... I just dont know how to do.

I feel like I have came so far in a year's time. Giving up my family, and starting to do the things I truely love in life. Some days are hard, some days are easy... but at least I'm finally living a LIFE I am enjoying. And the little things in life are very little indeed...

xoxo, T

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Freedom Trip

How many figured out that after I posted the last blog about Restlessness that I was packing my stuff to leave that morning to go on my trip to the beach? I know one person did, because I got a text from her that morning asking if she could come along with. Sadly she had other plans that prevented that :( but I did go anyways.

Started off by taking the kids to school and telling them when they get home to call, but if it goes right to VM that they are to call M and let her know too (friend/babysitter). Then I hit the gas station and starbucks! Then the road. I did not know for sure where I was going to end up yet, but a beach on the California Coast was the end point. That is a LOT of choices for sure. So I hit I-5 and headed South. I could have taken 205 to 580 but I felt like dodging traffic so I kept with going south...
I hit HWY 152 exit and I knew a way to get to the Pacific from there so I took off there. I had been on the road for about 1.5 hours at this point and was feeling better as the miles went by. I had managed to call a friend and let her know I would not be by that day because I was on the road outta town. Its amazing how things work when you know your on your way to someplace you enjoy being at. I had the music turned up, and was just cruzing along. I was amazed on how green everything was! Every time I have drove that streach of road before it was mid to late summer and it was always so dry and brown. It was very nice to see the bright green hills and the blue sky.

Amazingly enough I managed NOT to get lost at all!!! Step in the right direction for me for sure. About 20 minutes outside of Gilroy there was this smallish hill you drive up (winding road) and then head back down. Well while heading back down I had to stop because of a mud slide. I look out between the trees and see the ocean. I was so happy to see that sight. There was NO fog, it was SUNNY.

I finish winding my way to the ocean (took about 30 more minutes) and hit the first beach I came to. Which was Moss Landing State Beach. If you have never been... I'll just say I highly reccomend it. But as one of my best friends said, "I dont think you have EVER been to a beach that you DONT highly reccomend to anyone". Sorry, cant help that I love the ocean and the beach. It is just so beautiful. And I love seeing things that are beautiful. And taking pictures of them. Plus the ocean is amazing, it calms me down and gives me the strenght I need to make it thur anything that comes my way. When I feel down, or super stress I head to the ocean because of that. Its magical in that sence for me.

Anyways, I get there and have to climb the sand dunes to get to the actual beach. As soon as I got to the top and I saw and heard the ocean, I gasped! The waves crashing was phonomal! I havent seen such large swells like that in years. I had came ready for cold day and wind, and I was plesently suprised with sun, next to no wind and about 70 degrees.

I spent the day there, never left till I knew I had to. I hiked about 1 mile north of the beach to a peace of drift wood that was somewhat dry and sat there for about an hour just soaking in the sun and the sounds. Taking pictures here and there of different things. Then I decided to head to the rocks (after EVERYONE is telling me to stay away from rocks, yes I headed right to them anyways)... It was a nice little jetty of rocks that people were fishing off of. So sense there was people fishing, I figured it had to be safe right?

After hiking another 3 miles or so to the jetty, I get there. The only sign I saw (and it was nearly gone) said "Rocks slippery when wet". Well Duh! So I was careful, did the testing of each rock before I put full weight on it. None were moving and I was staying sorta to the middle of the jetty. I got a bit too cocky and stopped testing. BAD IDEA. I slipped on a slightly loose rock and my foot managed to find a hole. OUCH! I knew for sure I hurt something, but I would NOT let that stop me from my day. It never fails I will explore something and get hurt, but guess what? Life is about taking risks and chances. I choose to live life to the fullest.

Sense I did actually hurt myself, I choose not to go any futher. I sat there and took a picture of my friend, the hole that hurt my foot.

Then I went on and took pictures of the different things that were near by.

Molly was  a bird (not sure what kind) that came up to me and  posed for pictures, then she was nailed by a wave. (heehee and i missed that shot!)
I made friends with two Otters, Moe and Curly. They came up to me and were poseing for pictures.




Yes, I call them friends because they are nice animals and they need names. Wherever I ever go, I end up finding animals and they get nammed. Happens EVERY place that I go. Can't help it. And besides it makes for a fun story.

While I was busy taking pictures off the boats and such, a wave came up and kissed my backside (not nice! because I did not pack a change of clothes!). I look at that part of the beach/ocean and saw that the tide was coming in and figured it best to head back to where my car is while I still could without getting totally soaked. which sorta worked. The water kept coming up pretty darn close to me and hit me a few times. But I managed to dry off pretty well.


I left the beach after being there for about 4 or 5 hours, sunburnt and totally happy! I was more than happy to stay there longer but my tummy told me it wanted food and I sure did not pack any! I drove up to Santa Cruz thinking to eat there, but not much was open that I wanted to eat. Kind of was sad because for ONCE I was in Santa Cruz, had NO KIDS and could have went on the rides and they were not open. Such a let down. I have never done that before so I would have liked to. Another time.

Sense I did not find anything to eat there, I decided to start heading home. As I drove, I kept an eye out for SOMEPLACE to eat at. Most everything that was open was Seafood and I cannot have that, so I kept on driving. Finally when I hit Gilroy again I found a shopping center that had a lot of choice. I choose not to eat at anyplace we have over in my home town and ended up at Famous Dave's. Oh. My. Gosh!!! That is a place to eat at if you love BBQ!!! I was so spoiled there it was not even funny.

The waitress said because it was my first time there I had to do the sause test. Mind you I'm not overly fond of BBQ sauce... but I did it anyways. Yummy!!!

After that, my food came. I got all of this food for $14!!! Oh and did I mention they carry PEPSI there? That alone gets 4 stars.

After that I got back into the car wondering if I could actually make the drive home. I was in a food coma, so much good food in a very short time. But it was so worth it.

My day of freedom had came, and I feel better for it. I have had a lot of people call me crazy for going alone, but that is okay. I am so use to being alone and to be very honest with you, I enjoy the beach alone. Would it be nice to go with somebody, yes. But i'm totally okay going alone. And I found my joy again. I found my peace. I found my strenght to keep going forward. And that alone was priceless to me.

There has been so many times people have said, with all the trouble I have gone thur, "Why dont you move out of state where its less costly to live?" My answer has always been because  I love California. Which is true. But honestly, I could not ever leave. Because there is no other state that comes close to offering what CA has, and I need my beach and ocean time.

xoxo, T

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Restlessness...

There are times where restlessness seams to rule my life. It creeps up on me...and then it soon consumes me. I'm a person that by my own definition, a very stable, straight-forward, nearly perdictable person. I have schedules, and lists. I stick by them. But I usually make sure I schedule out free time. Well I get so busy with everything, I tend to forget about free time. And when that happens the restlessness sets in.

Little signs come. Like wanting to get away sometime soon. Or needing a  drive to someplace, any place. And then the little urges become biger...and biger... until the only thing I can think of is to do something. I'm at that point now. I HAVE to do something. Its no longer a want, its a need. I cannot go forward without getting rid of my current restlessness. Its crazy sometimes but it makes me feel crazy.

I have the plan to go on Monday to the beach...or the coast at least. But that seams so darn far away. I'm thinking of possably going tomorrow. Or friday. Who knows. but the point is that I'm going. I hope, that like every time before, that just the trip and seeing/hearing the ocean will get rid of this restlessness i feel. And it makes everything better. because i can use an "everything is better" moment.

Restless is not able to rest, relax, or be still...for me that is just not a physical thing... but mental and emotional thing. Luckly for me there is a cure!

xoxo, T

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

The differance between Love and Lust...

is hard to see. Most of the time. Sometimes its crystal clear. Others, its a foggy as San Fransico on a cool winter day.  While I'm trying to figure out the differance between the two, I took the time to look up how they are defined.
Love: strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties (2) : attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers (3) : affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests b : an assurance of love

In the viewpoint I'm going for here, we will use number 2 and 3. 

Lust: 1 obsolete a : pleasure, delight b : personal inclination : wish 2 : usu. intense or unbridled sexual desire : lasciviousness 3 a : an intense longing : craving b : enthusiasm, eagerness


For the viewpoint in this, all apply.


My version of both is Love is something that overwhelmes every part of  you, your senses, your thoughts, your desires... Its nearly tangable. Lust can sometimes play that trick, but after the "moment" is said and done, the feelings are gone and  your left empty again. And that is how you can readly tell the differance. At least to me. 


There are times where I thought I was in love... the honeymoon phase. The first few weeks of meeting someone.... the first date...the 5th date... all roses and what not. But during this time of getting to know you, you dont have the heart to heart talks... you dont talk the truths, wants, desires. You gloss over eachothers flaws. Which makes the relationship turn bad from the start. for some. I'm not saying this to say that all relationships turn this way... this is just my view. Take it or leave it. 


I was talking with my friend today and we were talking about things I have been thru... Did you know I have been cheated on in EVERY relationship I have been in? Including BOTH my marrages? People that know this wonder why I'm not jaded... but they dont see that I am. I'm so choosey... it takes sooooo much for me to let ANYONE in, and even more so if your a guy. 


I look back at all my relationships and see where things could have went better. One, I need to NOT jump in right away. Just because it feels good for a few weeks... does not mean "Wow, this is it". Its lust. period. Wait a few months...and see if you still feel the same...Can you tell your SO your deepest fears, or your hopes and dreams? Without worry about what they will think? That your just telling them because that is what you want, and you fear no judgement from them? After you hit the, say 5 months mark, Do you still feel the same that you felt in month one?


I have 1 very good friend of mine. She and her husband have been married for 20 years now. I look up to them in many ways and respect them so much for all that they have done, been thur and will go thru. They have that love in their relationship that lasts. That is something that I would love to have. But my reality tells me that the books dont have it for me. I accept that. I'm not crossing it off the list, but I am okay if it does not happen. 


Lust is fun...for the  time that you have it. Love is lasting and that is what matters...what lasts. Not often will you find me quoting the bible, but with this I must, it is one of my fave passages I have ever heard:

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NIV) "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

That is what love really is. And I will not settle for anything less.

xoxo, T

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

and the story goes...

Feb is always a busy month for me. Every year that comes by and Feb. rolls around its crazy busy, the shortest month of the year and the busiest. And that is saying a lot for me. It seams the month just starts and then in a blink of an eye its over... and I'm left wondering where it went to. This year its no different. I went this whole month without a single blog post! I'm pretty sure I did the same last year as well.

This year that month was filled with extreame joy and extreame sadness. I'm still not really ready to go into it all on here...or to all that know me. Most that are close, know what happened and why. They know enough. And I'm going to let it go at that. We shall see what the rest of this year will bring.

I remember a year ago... I was living at one of my best friends house, getting ready to move into the place I live now. Talking with this one guy, I would later date, and be stompped all over with that relationship. Having no idea, a year latter things were much the same, and yet... so different. Its amazing on how many things can change in a year's time, yet stay the same.

I feel like this year is a year of growing for me. In many different ways. Its been just over a year that I cut ties with my family, and in many ways I feel and am a totally different person now. Can I say I'm truely happy with this person I am now? Nope. But will I get there? Yes. I'm on that road now. Its not easy, let me tell you. But its moving.

In this last week, and really the last few days, I have been doing a lot of thinking. Always a scary thing for anyone that knows me. Because usually, my thinking turns into action...and some dont like that. There is so much that I want to do with my life. The older I get, the more I see where I can make change to make the life long dreams and goals to happen. I want better for my kids than I had. They will have that "better" life, one I could/can only dream of at this point.

This year marks the year my daugher turns 10 years old (this month actually) and the year my son turns 15 years old. Wow!! Who knew that this year would come so quickly? Here I am, nearly 31 years old and 1/2 my life I have spent being a parent. I have 8 years left of being a parent with kids at home... Scary thought! But at the same time its exhilarating... I'm growing and my kids are too. It gives a whole new light about growing up with your kids.

In my love life/dating life... well I dont know where that is going. I know where I would love it to go, but I dont have that crystal ball to see into the future to find out for sure. And all that I can do is wait and hope. Pray that I catch that break I so readly have earned, and have true happness for once. And let it last. I read this saying recently "Its hard to wait around for something you know may never happen...but its even harder when you know its EVERYTHING you have ever wanted". Boy, that statement has eversomuch hit home with me. And its eversomuch true.

I know that this really is not as reveling as much as I normally do, but my defences are up. And this is out in the world to see. Hard for me to be totally transparent when so much is on the line, and so much that I just dont know about yet. As I know, and I get glimps into that crystal ball I wish I had, I'll be more open...but until then...this is it for now.

xoxo, T

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Lists, Lists, Lists....

I'll admit, I'm a list person. I make lists. They may not be writting down all the time, but they are there. I make them in my head, on my computer, on the mirror in my bedroom, on paper, sticky pads...whatever is in reach. And I make lists about different things. You have your to-do list, your grocery list, bills to pay, plan of attacks for this project or that project. Friends birthdays, phone calls, and choices in men.

Yep, as I said during the first part of the year I'll be touching more on my dating life. Or what there is of it. Because that is a part of me. As is being a mom, student, employee. Many, many hats I wear. And sometimes, the more hats I have, the better I can manage things. So anyways, tonights blog (because its 2am and there for its still night) is about lists...and how it helps/makes/breaks my life.

Every day when I wake up I take my kids to their school. Mentally, I go thru my list of things that need to get done that day. Clean the house, which is a list all on its own, if its raining, pick up the kids from school, call different businesses to make appointments for wine sales, check the newspapers and craigslist for job openings, plan dinner (another list all on its own), check email, call friends, return other calls, play on facebook/myspace, do school work. And every day, I wonder, what can I not do today and put off until tomorrow? Because I do a lot. I am a single mom. So it puts everything on me. My kids have a VERY active life. So lists are made every day, the start of the day and thru out the day.

When I think about making a list of who my friends are vs who my "people I know" are, there is a differance in numbers by much. See I even have a list of who would qualify for the lable of a "friend" in my opinion. Which leads into my list about dating. I do have a list about who I will date. I have a list of how I will date. Which is more of a what I will and will not do.

But when you make up your lists, you have to be willing to compromise on some of the things. The problem I had with my last relationship, I look back now see how much i did compromise and I feel I did too much. I thought that when I was in the relationship, but I still did. When I look at my friends, the close ones and the ones that are just friends, there are things that they do/say that I would not do, but I go along with it because they are my friends. Now those that are closest to me will hear me say if they do something dumb or that I dont think is the best idea. I will tell them. But I do compromise with them as well.

My question is where do you know that you have gone too far on you compromiseing? Where in your list is the "must not cross this line" or you drop dead "must haves"? Everyone has those. You have them in your friendships, your dating/married life, when you are house hunting, job hunting... no matter what the subject is you have your lists.

Why did I just post/write a blog on lists? Not so sure...but there is something here I'll come back to later, that I am sure of. I'll see it then because its not here now.

xoxo, T

Friday, January 22, 2010

Advice friends give on dating...

Sometimes should just be ignored. But knowing me, I cannot ignore it. I listen and usually take the said advice. With that I went on a date tonight. BAD IDEA! First of all, one main reason I hate dating someone that I have met off a dating site is that people lie. Why? I dont know. Maybe their insecure about themselves, or maybe they think that you wont remember. Well guess what? It does nothing for the person that when you meet, that person finds out you lied.

So back to tonights date... I go meet said guy, he said he was 6 feet tall. I'm 5'5" tall, so should be a decent height taller than me. WRONG, lie number one! He was more like 5'6" if that. Then the picture he has of himself was not that clear, but in person he sure looked a lot different. EEEEWWWW!!!! I barly wanted to shake his hand. The next issue, I could hardly understand anything he would say. I dont know if he was slightly drunk before we met up or if he has a speach issue, but good lord!

I tried to do what a friend advised me to do. Date for fun. No expectations. So that was what tonight was about. I stuck out the whole date, no matter my first reaction. The plan was to grab a drink then watch a movie. Fine with me. He was paying for it. We meet in front of the movie theater in my town. Then walk down the block to a bar. One I had never been in before. May go back there because it was nice and clean. Anyways, we get in and he asked the bartender if they take plastic (note to men out there, if your on a date, carry cash too, because a lot of places dont take plastic and you look like an ASS otherwise). The bartender said no and pointed out the ATM, then came and got my drink order. Come to find out the dude maxed out his limit and had to call his bank to get more money allowed for the day. Finally came and sat down with me and ordered his drink. Then had to tell me all about his ex's. RULE: you DONT talk about your damn ex's on a date!!! Specially on a FIRST date.

At this point I was wishing to have a hole open up or some type of excape to get out of this date. But no, being the girl I am, and wanting to see about following thru on advice, I stick it out and slowly drink my drink, and count down the minutes till we can go watch the movie and there will be no need for conversation.

We went to see Leap Year. < Side note, it was a really good movie, what I heard at least!> We walk in and pick out seats. Sadly I run into 2 mom's I cannot stand, but we all mutually ignored each other. The previews for the out coming movies come on, and there was a few I would love to go see, but he kept making snide remarks about them. So I wisely held my tounge, and those that know me quite well, that was VERY hard to do. The movie comes on and he kept making remarks about this or that. I'm thinking SHUT UP! but I just ignore as much as I can and watch it as much as I can, giving off all body signs that I'm NOT INTERESTED in you!!! Blessedly the movie got over. I use the excuse that my son texted me that he was sick (he's not) and got the hell outta there.

Note to self... NO MORE DATING off the internet. Next note to self.... dating for fun may be fun for some... but I dont think so for me.  One more note to self... Where the hell does one find a good person to date now days!?!?!?!?!?!

xoxo, T

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Gggrrrr... Some days are harder

than others. Its really hard to keep your head up and on  straight when you know so much is going on and there is nothing you can do about it. I have bills to pay, but no money to pay them. I am working, but not enough hours to pay just what HAS to be paid. I am applying everywhere but it seams like no call backs, which has me wondering ... Really is anyone hiring at all?!?!?! Frustating for me.

Then there is PT. I was in the car wreck at the end of Oct. I'm still in PT for that. I am soooo sick of going to it now. I think after this round I'll be done. I finally got her to agree to let me try running (slowly at first) and then build up. If I don't hurt in a bad way after this round of PT I'll be calling it quits. One of my amazing friends got me some time at the local Gym, so I can try my running sense the weather is so bad. Hopefully all is good by Feb 2.

I got a job bartending at a local club. They sounded so unsure about hiring people. I guess they did not like me and the other girl or something because the next event coming up, they call us both and say they have their own bartenders back. Nice. So that did not last very long! The upside is that this weekend, which was to be the next event for me to do, I may have to go to a hockey game with my friend's son and him.  They earned the game from selling popcorn. Have I mentioned that I LOVE hockey!?!?!

I should touch on dating.... I have had a few conversations with some guys... and exchanged emails... but nothing so far. No for sure plans to meet any of them. Bummer. Another friend told me to go and date for fun. Hmmm interesting concept. One I have never done before. So even though the guys I have talked to do not have everything on my "wish list" I would go out with them... IF I was ever asked. Which by the way, I haven't been. Which puts my brain back on the fact that eather I am too boring of a person, guys dont want to date single moms, or they are intimidated by me. Who knows? I sure dont!

Anyways, that is it for now. Movie is on...and I would like to watch it.

xoxo, T

Monday, January 4, 2010

Dating...where to look?

For the last year this blog has been a outlet of sorts for me. A glimps into my life, the ups and downs. The crazy way the road leads. For the next bit of blogs I am going in a different direction and we'll see how this works out. Its my honest thougths on subject matter(s) that spark my interest or that are dear to my heart. You will still be getting a glimps into "A day in my life" but there are things out there I would like to get my voice out on. For my friends that are reading this on facebook, please follow the link to my blog page and leave your comments there. I'd really apprecate it if you did!

Now that all that is out of the way...first subject matter. Sense I have so many subjects it was hard to just pick one. The first one I have choose to dive into is dating...where to find a date.

Now there is many ways to find a date, just depends on what you are looking for. There is dating websites out there, book stores, grocery stores, bars, friends of friends, having a account with places like MySpace and Facebook. There is many more ways but I just choose to name a few.

I am no dating expert by any means, but sense I am out there, dating (or so I keep saying) I figured I'd look futher into what it is that I am doing here. Now I will be very honest in saying I do have a profile up on a few online dating sites, and I will say I have met a few people off there. I will also say that on both my MySpace and Facebook sites it shows I'm single. I have no problem putting myself out there. However I am very pick and very selective as to who I will respond to or not. And I will go into "hiding" if it becomes too much for me.

What I have found by having these up, is that the guys out there looking for a real relationship are few and far between. I have talked with about 30 or 40 different guys between all the above mentioned sites. And out of that, I have dated one for a few months, and met face to face about 6 or 7. What I have learned so far is that guys are slow to respond on a lot of things. Hey, if I have taken the time out of my day to send you a email, then please at least do the same. Even if its, "your not what I'm looking for". I'm cool with that. Just let a person know.

I have gone to bars...and well its not much different there than on a dating website. Met a guy there one time. That was interesting to say the least. But its in the past. And that is where it shall stay. The upside of going there is I get to dance, have a few (hopefully) free drinks and have a good time while meeting people I would not normally me otherwise.

I have heard about people meeting at book stores and grocery stores and places like Starbucks. Now I can really say that I have never gone to any of these places with the though, "Hey, lets get me a guy there". I go to a book store for the books (we all know I adore reading), and to the grocery store for food and Starbucks.... well for visiting with friends and hot chocolate and to read. NEVER once have I ever ran into a guy at any of those places that has say a word to me. I actually went not that long ago to these places as a test. Went to see if that is where people are meeting up at. Nope. At least in my area of the US, its not happening. At the book store I went to, I saw moms and kids, teens, husbands looking a bit lost trailing after his wife. At the grocery store I saw about the same thing as the book store. Starbucks I have yet to test the theory there. Maybe its because I dont live in one of the big, hussle and bussle city's. Who knows.

As I sit here writting this I'm trying to think if I have ever gone on a date because of a friend. As in your friend knows your single and comes up and says "Oh I know someone that would be good for you. XXxx...." and you can fill in the rest. I really do not remember doing that. So must have not happened.

I did some research online (because I love reserch and love to learn some new things) when writting this blog about the ways people meet now days. A few things that came up were:

1. Join a singles group in your area (lol, I think not. the only thing of that type I was in, everyone was older than me by many years).

2. Join a club in the area with a subject that interests you. Like books or gardening.

3. Go shopping in the opposite's sex department and ask a non-employee for help.

4. Attend a dating event like "8 seconds Dating" (I personally have never heard of this)

5. Join a Professional Organization.

I honestly can say doing any of those 5 are really not for me. I dont know why but totally outside of my comfort zone by far.

In my research I did come up with some tips for every day life.

1. Set a goal of saying Hi to 5 people a day (I do this already)
2. Smile. Make it look like your having fun. (most days I already have a smile on my face)
3. Always be dressed and groomed to meet new people. Even if you are just running to get gas or something at the store.
4. Don't be afraid of being rejected. or Rejecting someone. Just because you ran into the hot guy/girl at the mall, and you start talking, does not mean you have to give them your number if your not interested.
5. Ask questions and be polite.

Pretty good tips (and I put my personal spin on them).

Now for you readers out there. Any suggestions? Where do you go looking for a date? How did you meet your hubby, wife or SO? Would any of the tips work for you?

Till next time....

xoxo, T

Goal's for 2010

For my new readers... I don't make New Year's Resolutions, I make New Year's Goals. I figured it out after 5 years of making Resolutions and never following thru on one, that Goals are a better plan. Goal's for me mean making sure I accomplish it. Resolutions to me have no meaning. So without futher adou... here are mine for the year.

1. I will lose the last 20 lbs that I want gone.
2. I will put money into savings this year and NOT touch it (because this year I did save but had to touch to pay bills)
3. I will take a vacation (I am still hoping to get the money for my trip to France this summer, but if that does not happen, I will take a vacation out of the state!)
4. I will post at least once a week on here. One new blog a week!
5. I will make sure to bike/run/walk 3 times a week.
6. I will make time to scrapbook at least once a month (H you will help me with this goal!)
7. I will go on more hikes. Now that I have had the chance to do several this last summer, this year I will make time for more.

I hope to come up with 3 more before the end of the month, but this year I have goals for me. Not family related, me related. I spend so much time doing for others, I'm going to really try to do for my self.

xoxo, T