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Wednesday, March 3, 2010

The differance between Love and Lust...

is hard to see. Most of the time. Sometimes its crystal clear. Others, its a foggy as San Fransico on a cool winter day.  While I'm trying to figure out the differance between the two, I took the time to look up how they are defined.
Love: strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties (2) : attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers (3) : affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests b : an assurance of love

In the viewpoint I'm going for here, we will use number 2 and 3. 

Lust: 1 obsolete a : pleasure, delight b : personal inclination : wish 2 : usu. intense or unbridled sexual desire : lasciviousness 3 a : an intense longing : craving b : enthusiasm, eagerness


For the viewpoint in this, all apply.


My version of both is Love is something that overwhelmes every part of  you, your senses, your thoughts, your desires... Its nearly tangable. Lust can sometimes play that trick, but after the "moment" is said and done, the feelings are gone and  your left empty again. And that is how you can readly tell the differance. At least to me. 


There are times where I thought I was in love... the honeymoon phase. The first few weeks of meeting someone.... the first date...the 5th date... all roses and what not. But during this time of getting to know you, you dont have the heart to heart talks... you dont talk the truths, wants, desires. You gloss over eachothers flaws. Which makes the relationship turn bad from the start. for some. I'm not saying this to say that all relationships turn this way... this is just my view. Take it or leave it. 


I was talking with my friend today and we were talking about things I have been thru... Did you know I have been cheated on in EVERY relationship I have been in? Including BOTH my marrages? People that know this wonder why I'm not jaded... but they dont see that I am. I'm so choosey... it takes sooooo much for me to let ANYONE in, and even more so if your a guy. 


I look back at all my relationships and see where things could have went better. One, I need to NOT jump in right away. Just because it feels good for a few weeks... does not mean "Wow, this is it". Its lust. period. Wait a few months...and see if you still feel the same...Can you tell your SO your deepest fears, or your hopes and dreams? Without worry about what they will think? That your just telling them because that is what you want, and you fear no judgement from them? After you hit the, say 5 months mark, Do you still feel the same that you felt in month one?


I have 1 very good friend of mine. She and her husband have been married for 20 years now. I look up to them in many ways and respect them so much for all that they have done, been thur and will go thru. They have that love in their relationship that lasts. That is something that I would love to have. But my reality tells me that the books dont have it for me. I accept that. I'm not crossing it off the list, but I am okay if it does not happen. 


Lust is fun...for the  time that you have it. Love is lasting and that is what matters...what lasts. Not often will you find me quoting the bible, but with this I must, it is one of my fave passages I have ever heard:

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NIV) "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

That is what love really is. And I will not settle for anything less.

xoxo, T

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