Feb is always a busy month for me. Every year that comes by and Feb. rolls around its crazy busy, the shortest month of the year and the busiest. And that is saying a lot for me. It seams the month just starts and then in a blink of an eye its over... and I'm left wondering where it went to. This year its no different. I went this whole month without a single blog post! I'm pretty sure I did the same last year as well.
This year that month was filled with extreame joy and extreame sadness. I'm still not really ready to go into it all on here...or to all that know me. Most that are close, know what happened and why. They know enough. And I'm going to let it go at that. We shall see what the rest of this year will bring.
I remember a year ago... I was living at one of my best friends house, getting ready to move into the place I live now. Talking with this one guy, I would later date, and be stompped all over with that relationship. Having no idea, a year latter things were much the same, and yet... so different. Its amazing on how many things can change in a year's time, yet stay the same.
I feel like this year is a year of growing for me. In many different ways. Its been just over a year that I cut ties with my family, and in many ways I feel and am a totally different person now. Can I say I'm truely happy with this person I am now? Nope. But will I get there? Yes. I'm on that road now. Its not easy, let me tell you. But its moving.
In this last week, and really the last few days, I have been doing a lot of thinking. Always a scary thing for anyone that knows me. Because usually, my thinking turns into action...and some dont like that. There is so much that I want to do with my life. The older I get, the more I see where I can make change to make the life long dreams and goals to happen. I want better for my kids than I had. They will have that "better" life, one I could/can only dream of at this point.
This year marks the year my daugher turns 10 years old (this month actually) and the year my son turns 15 years old. Wow!! Who knew that this year would come so quickly? Here I am, nearly 31 years old and 1/2 my life I have spent being a parent. I have 8 years left of being a parent with kids at home... Scary thought! But at the same time its exhilarating... I'm growing and my kids are too. It gives a whole new light about growing up with your kids.
In my love life/dating life... well I dont know where that is going. I know where I would love it to go, but I dont have that crystal ball to see into the future to find out for sure. And all that I can do is wait and hope. Pray that I catch that break I so readly have earned, and have true happness for once. And let it last. I read this saying recently "Its hard to wait around for something you know may never happen...but its even harder when you know its EVERYTHING you have ever wanted". Boy, that statement has eversomuch hit home with me. And its eversomuch true.
I know that this really is not as reveling as much as I normally do, but my defences are up. And this is out in the world to see. Hard for me to be totally transparent when so much is on the line, and so much that I just dont know about yet. As I know, and I get glimps into that crystal ball I wish I had, I'll be more open...but until then...this is it for now.
xoxo, T
1 comment:
My boyfriend, life partner, call him what you will, was killed in a bike crash 7.5 months ago. I'm now getting the "He wouldn't want you to mope... there's plenty more fish in the sea..." type conversations.
You, like me, will get to where you are supposed to be, when you are supposed to be there, and all the fussing in the world won't change that.
After all, you can't hurry love, as Phil would say...
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