Well it does not help that between all the upheavel in my life in the last 6 months, I have not had time to write. But here it is, nearly 1am and I am here.
Kids go back to school tomorrow. This last 2 weeks were the last vacation for them before the end of school. Which means that I am back on call again. Lets hope and pray I *do* get called in. I need the work. But as school starts back up again, life goes back to a routine. A new one however.
Life changes so quickly when you are not looking for it to change. I keep saying I had been looking for my personal life to have a change but really I was not. I was just out to "date" because everyone said it was past time. But I honestly thought it was not going to work out. To be very blunt, my few but fellow readers, I never have thought I was good enought to be with someone. 2 failed marrages, several failed long term relationships. Looking back on it now, its a lesson, a hard one, but one I went thur. So what, out of that, could possabley possess me to want to date and be seriouse about it? I really thought that nothing would ever come of it. I have loved and lost, and I had thought that would have been the end. Yet, I was wrong. Grant it, we are still in somewhat of the "honeymoon" phase...but I am enjoying it. I have never trusted someone so quickly or so completely this fast. I have never had someone accept me for me, no act, no need to put on the show/song and dance. JUST ME. And yes, it takes my breathe away sometimes.
So no, I was not ready for that to happen. I still question myself, if *I* am good enough for him? But that is my own thing. Its partly to do with my past and how I had been raised. But it does help to know, every time those doubts run thru my head, I get a text from him. Just simply saying "I love you." and that is enough for me to be okay.
Like I said, a new routine. Its a hard ajustment for me. I have been single, for the better part of my adult life. Its hard for me to bring someone in and allow them to do the things that I should do. Its hard for me to accept help, no matter what the kind it is or where it comes from. Its even harder for me to ASK for help. Oh and did I mention, its hard for me to share. That last one is one I'm force to work on each day!
I have finally came to terms that I am okay with being done with my extended family. I have not been happier than I have been in the last few months. I never saw how much weight they put on me, their bitterness and hate they have all around them. I am free and I do not pretend to be anyone but me.
And tomorrow.. March 31... My baby girl will be 9 years old. Time sure does fly when you are not paying any attention to it. I remember being pregnate with her, and I remember holding her in my arms the first time. And now she is growing all up. Becoming more and more beautiful every day.
Oh and one last thing... we added a new addition to our family. A kitten. Her name is Roxxy Bella. Grey/white kitty with an amazing personality already. She is only just over 1 month old and we all just love her very much!
I'll end on that one and I will make a point to come back more often. Just set myself a reminder to post!
xoxo, T
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