Have you ever been so tired

that you dont know what day it is, what time it is, where you are and how to get home? I'm there. I am so tired I cannot eat anything without it coming back up. I cannot sleep without crying myself to sleep. I cannot even put into words how tired I am because its too much effort. I'm totally shut down. I'm in pure survival mode. Its just enough for me to get one foot in front of the other. I am crying over nothing because my body and mind is screaming at me.

I have to stop. I cannot work both jobs. The value of the paper, pay wise, room for growth and so on... makes it a much better job. The job at the hotel is not. I have more hours, but less pay. I dont get to sleep or see the kids. I dont like being gone all night and they are home alone. It worries me.

So it has got to go. I was going to just hang in there till I can get another p/t job but i dont think i can. i left the bosses a note saying i cannot come back in tonight. Did not leave a reason. But i'm sure the one i talked to yesterday can figure that out. I told him i could not keep doing this. his thing is, okay 4 over nights and one swing. Uh, what part of I CANNOT DO OVERNIGHTS did you not get? :sigh:

The up side of all of this, I can now see when I push myself to far. I know my limit. I just need a 2nd job that is during the am hours, and is at least 10 hours a week at $10 or more an hour and we'll be just fine.

With that I have one hour left here. Then its off to go home. I just texted my friends son to see if she can pick up Austin to take him to school this am. I dont think I should be driving. I wish I did not even have to drive home, I am that tired. I relise this and i will be careful. But its scary when you can see this going on and there is nothing you can do but do what you must.

xoxo, T