Summertime...

Ahhh Summertime. My fave time of year. Its hot, sunny, beautiful outside so its hard to stay indoors during the day or night for that matter. I'm forever living for the summertime because it makes me want to be out there and living life.

So lately I have been spending a lot of time out working, going out and having fun. What more can you ask for of a summer? I know. Friends and VACATION. Yep, its July so its time for some vacation time. This time we are camping again. My best friend, daughter and me. spending 5 days on the coast of California. Cannot wait, because I know that beach and ocean is missing me! And then after that my friend Jessica comes to Cali for a visit... gonna have some major fun going on there!!!

But between now and then, there is the 4th of July weekend. This year I have a lot I can do, but having a hard time picking the things to do to. I know that I'm working this weekend and the winery, making cupcakes for the party that I'm going to on Sunday and school work. Beyond that, I have been invited to a ton of stuff.... I just need to start picking. Who knows where I'll end up at!

Hope everyone has a happy and safe 4th of July weekend!!

xoxo, T

As the saying goes...

The old saying goes "Life is short, make the most of it". I ask myself how does one do that? My idea vs. your idea of making the most of it can be drastically different. There are so many ways one can make the most of their life. Some people may think that making the most of their life might be just by being a parent. Or by taking trips around the world. Helping out others in need.

Tonight I had been thinking about how I would make the most out of my life. I have an okay life so far. I would not call it great by any means, but its okay. There are a lot of things I sure wish were different. There is so much left that I want to do and accomplish in this life of mine. I can see what they are and I can see me doing them. I just don't see the grayness between where I am now and then. HOW do I get to where I want to be?

Hard work? Well yes, I know that. And I do nothing but work hard. The funny thing is I feel like I have NOTHING to show for it. The harder I work the less I have to show. But hard work is said to get you to the places you want to go and need to go. Well so far I'm going no where fast. Hmmm... makes me wonder if I have the right perspective on this.

Dreams? Oh I have a lot of those. I dream about traveling the world. Traveling the USA. Singing. Writing. Taking pictures of beautiful things. Owning a home. Being married again (this time happily). Finishing my education. Opening my own business. Being truly happy.

Its so hard doing things now days. What makes it even harder is being plagued with self-doubt. I totally act like I have sooo much confidence in myself. When I really don't. My feeling on that is that the more I act like I have confidence the more it will come. Right idea or wrong? So far its not working. But time will tell I guess. Days and nights spent alone are never good for me. And seeing others doing things that I would love to be doing is even worse. But there is nothing I am doing now that is holding me back (so I think, please correct me if I am wrong) from getting what I want. Its just that it seams like life likes to throw up all over me. And let me tell you, I'm tired of it.

xoxo,T

Back to my roots...

Ever have a moment or two where you reflect on your life as it is now, and look back where you have came from? Then you wonder how some of the really great stuff from where you came from is not where your at now? Yeah its one of those nights.

I'm up blogging instead of sleeping. Too many thoughts in my head. A lot of it has just got to come out! The last few days I was able to do some stuff I truly love doing. And its made me take a HARD look at my life and the direction its going. I have been doing a good job in where I have made changes, and need to make more. Some of the changes have been drastic but some not enough. I need to be more true to me and less people pleasing.

One of those changes is going back to some of my good roots. I have always said I love country music, and left it at that. But the truth is I'm a country gal. As a good friend said today "Your such a cowgirl". Damn right, and damn proud of that. Spent all day Saturday baking in the lovely California sunshine at a Country Music concert. Going to that made me realise how much I do miss being truly me. The cowgirl boots wearing, hat and dancing the day/night away girl. I miss the bonfires, drinking, dancing, and having a great time. I miss being out there, the out doors. Where you can look up and see the stars out. So time to go back to that. Time to quit hiding from it all, and feel like I cant be that girl when deep down, that is who I truly am.

You know the post I did not too long ago about List and dating? Yeah my list of a guy to date... Country Cowboy. A real one, not these fake guys pretending to be country boys. Know the music and rock it. Have the look (yes tight wranglers do NOT make you look gay, they are HOT! as are cowboy boots and hat!). Work with your hands, and don't apologize for it. Drink your beer, wine or other. Be real.

Just a bit from my past that is coming back to my future. Much needed cuz one needs to be themselves, be the real you, and no someones version of you.

xoxo, T

Writing Cont.....

One would think after I just spent the last 5 hours writing straight that I would have nothing more to say. HAHA! That is funny. But really, I'm blogging about writing! Irony there. This paper that I'm working so hard on for my Psy class for school, is on me. Which I did talk about in my previous blog. And I did mention my last blog that the delete key would be my friend. It was very friendly. I think I may have overused the poor dear.

The paper is on me. My life. My past. My present. My future as I see how it should go. Should be a cake walk paper. And most people out there would say it is. Not me. Its one of the hardest papers to write. See I have had a very, ummm, shall we call it, challenging life? Even that word cannot convay how hard, complicated, difficult, ect my past has been. There are things I must edit out of the paper because its just too personal to tell to a stranger. Those things are too personal to even tell my best friends.

I laugh off my childhood. I make a joke out of how things were back then. Its easier for me to talk about it like its no big deal. But I tell you it was and is a big deal. There are things (multipul) that happen back then that to this very day, this very post, affect me. Your past shapes who you become. There are things I know that needed to happen in order to be the person I am today. But there are things that happened that I sure in hell wish did not. I could have gone my whole life and not have had about 70% that has happened before been gone. I think if it did not happen I would be happier. I would be healthier for sure.

Even though I am not saying what happened, I'm sure you, the reader, can get how seriouse this is, and why I cannot write about it for a Term paper in college. I have had a whole lot of people tell me I should write a book on my life. I keep saying maybe I will. It would make for a good read I think. But I would have to make it sound fiction, because having my life story out there for the world to read and be able to tie it right back to me, would be too much to bear. But its worth considering.....right? Thoughts?

xoxo, T

Writing...

Yes, I write. I write a lot. I like words. I like to talk. And for those that don't know me that well, don't know that I'm back in college again. I am back to trying to finish my BA degree in Business Management, Marketing and PR. I already have my AA in Business Management. So the class I am taking right now is a Psy. class. They have us writing a paper about ourselves. Its our final. So the paper is very importaint. I NEED a good grade on it. I just wish it was on another subject.

I know that a lot of people say writing about one's self is easy to do. I find it difficult. I write about me on my blog, my life, my friends. But its not the whole me. Its not my heart. Its a part but not even my very best friends know that much. No matter how much I talk and write, the heart of me is kept to me. So asking me to open up a part of myself is HARD to do. AND then ask me to anilyze myself on top of that....wow. Not good. It just asks for trouble to brew up.

So how am I to go about writing my history, present and hopeful future without opening up that part of me to total strangers? I guess that will take creative writing on my part.  A whole lot of editing. Delete key is my friend in this I think. We'll see how it goes. And who knows, it may end up being a blog post up on here. We'll see what the future holds on that account.

xoxo, T

What if...

My mind can be a very evil thing some days. On days like today where it has the run's of "What if's" run thru it. Or on days where you have a long talk with an old friend and this friend asks you for advice. Which is why I have the "what if's" going on.

See this friend of mine has been dating here and there...not really steady with anyone. She has her "list" of who she knows is Mr. Right. She has dated her fair share of Mr. Wrong's and I agree that she has a great idea of who her Mr. Right is. But now a monkey has been thrown into the works. One of the few guys she has been dating, we will call him Mr. J, could totally fall under as another Mr. Wrong. He really does not fit onto any of her Mr. Right's must have. But she is enjoying her time with him. And the more she gets to know him, the more she is liking him. The things that would make Mr. J, a Mr. Wrong are not bad things, and not a deal breaker by any means. But he does not fill the Mr. Right terms. So her question to me was.... "Do I give up my list of Mr. Rights must have and go for it with this guy? Or is he just Mr. Right now?"

Wow, what a hard question to answer. Looking back on my many years of dating many different men, I can see why she asked me. Specially sense she knows that I went thur this same thing. The only thing that she did not know was that I went with my "list" and not with my heart. And was forever plagued with the "what if's" of what could have happened. So my advice to her? Date him a while longer... see what happens. If she is really and truely happy then fine, go ahead and go solo with just him. But make sure its right. List are there for a starting point, and sometimes they need to be thrown out.

Me, on the other hand, live on my list. Its so easy to tell others what they should do, but not follow it yourself. But then again, I have to be dating someone. Of which I am not. I'd like to think if I was ever in the situation again, that I would know to throw out the list, rather than give up the guy. But we'll see how much I have grown, if that was to ever happen again.

xoxo, T

The "Power" outfit....

What is the Power outfit? You know the outfit that no matter what you are doing, you feel in control. The one where you know all eye's are on you and you are confident. The one that you feel down right sexy in and comfortable all at the same time. No worries about... "Oh, is my boob falling out?"...."I think you can see that little roll of fat there"... The outfit that hides your flaws, makes you look like a star out there.

I have thought about this subject all day. What is my power outfit? I thought I knew what it was, and then it was not. Is it possable to have more than one? Or have I not found the true Power outfit yet? My choices, as I see them are the following:

1. the dress: there is this dress I bought a while back... its a black and white, form fitting, and I feel amazing in it. Sexy and smart all at the same time. Sometimes uncomfortable, mostly because I'm not use to wearing dresses anymore.

2. The "I'm asking for it Shirt"... or at least that is what i'm calling it. Its a fun, flirty shirt. Cut a bit low in the front, halter style shirt. goes great with jeans or dress pants. or even shorts. I dont have a picture of me in it yet, that is coming soon. But its does what I call for it to do. haahaa

3. New shirt I bought... nice little black tank, gathered at the chest area...so it gives a low-cut look, but looks great at the same time. So comfortable with a nice pair of jeans. my cute little boots to go with and its a outfit that leaves men staring (so I saw today because I wore it today).

I'm sure there is other outfits of mine that I could name off but these are the top 3 that I cannot figure out which one is my Power Outfit. I only have the picture of the dress (and that was taken a few months back). The others there is no pictures of at the moment.

So basied on the discriptions....what would you call the power outfit here? And what is yours?

xoxo, T